Attacked

This past week, I went to Panama City Beach.

This past week, I was attacked.

I was minding my own business. In fact, I was actually having a ton of fun for the first time in a long while. I was living carefree in the “Sunshine State” with about 20 other college students who had quickly became family. I was meeting more and more people who continued to give me life through the exhausting week. I almost felt free. Almost.

Everything felt normal. I was doing just fine, really, I was, until this disgusting version of myself appeared out of nowhere and began belittling me.

Every interaction and every mistake I had made that day came flooding back into my brain and I couldn’t do anything to shake the feeling that I was so unbelievably inadequate.

It would be better if you weren’t here.

The weight of my brokenness was so dang real.

Cut the act, they can see right through you.

I couldn’t get the voice out of my head. It was incredibly deafening, so much so that my mind, seeing no other choice, agreed with it.

You’re obnoxious.

Who are you to speak the same “truth” you’re wrestling with now?

They’re lying to you, you aren’t [insert genuine compliment here].

Can you stop laughing so loudly? 

Maybe if you looked like her things would be easier.

She doesn’t want to talk to you.

Maybe if you were a little more put together you could function properly.

Until I heard it.

I heard a still, small voice that I found to be a beautiful fusion of a soft, compassionate lamb and a mighty, roaring lion.

You really think you can get rid of me just like that?

IT IS FINISHED.

The battle is not with him, or her, or even yourself, child.

The war has already been won.

With Me, you are victorious.

He’s defeated the grave, how much more will He defeat this voice and bring my dry bones to life?

I have overcome this world.

He is greater than my fleeting feelings and my most outrageous doubts.

I am the only one who defines you.

I declare you worthy.

You are mine. 

Perfect love has won.

It is finished.

“His dying breath has brought me life. I know that it is finished.”

P.S. Curious about last year’s PCB experience? Check it out!